A Letter to a Friend
No doubt we all make mistakes. The fact we DO is not the issue. The fact we DON'T should be reason for concern.
The only way to progress in life is our willingness to make mistakes in order to learn. When it happens we should feel encouraged instead of defeated, although the circumstances might lure you to think otherwise.
A dear friend of mine was in that same position and felt ashamed and abandoned. My feelings towards him compelled me to write him a letter, which I'm willing to share with you.
Hopefully it will give him some relief and might do the same to you.
My dear friend,
No man is perfect, otherwise he wouldn't be human.
Every man has flaws and sometimes they surface due to stress, loss, greed or anger.
It's not a matter of 'we should know better'; we just choosed to engage ourselves in doing something we regret later on. It's not a matter of 'being weak'; we just directed our focus on targets we rather do without.
As THEN said... "Everything is allowed, but not always desirable".
There is a lesson in everything we encounter in life. All things happen because we summon them to appear, although they are not always envisioned as justifiable. They are nonetheless part of our experience... that what holds us here.
Look for the 'lesson'... It is there...
Every 'lesson' is to be observed and to be recognized as such in order to become a part of you. As long as you learn from your 'mistakes', you have accomplished your lessons here and move on to the next. Life, my friend, is education at its peek and as long as you're willing to educate yourself, you will make it, no matter the consequences.
I'm glad you've decided to 'come clean', for that shows your integrity. There is enough darkness in the world already and the more we cover up, the more it becomes our burden. Not taking responsibility for what we've done serves no other purpose than only to suppress our own fear to be recognized as the ones we really are.
So, don't be afraid to make mistakes, as long as we are willing to learn from them. For how can we learn to improve if we do not learn from our mistakes? How can we learn from our mistakes, if we are not willing to make them? If we are willing to grow, we must be willing to change, and change means to differ from the past. We must be willing to accept those things we like, and to abandon those we don't. We must have the courage to confront what we are right now, to be able to confront what we like to become.
If this can be of any conciliation to you, I have probably made more mistakes in my life than you, but what's more important... I've tried to learn from them and am still in the process of doing so. Despite what I have done, I never lost my own dignity, knowing that I am here to learn, to enjoy and to share my own experiences (either good or bad) with myself and with others I deem worthy to share with.
So don't let the event take you down. More so, let it make you stronger by showing your willingness to learn, which will prevent it from happening again.
For those who are disappointed in you, it's now the time to show whether they consider you a real friend or just a plain convenience. I'm not saying they have no right to be angry or disappointed, for they are hurt and appalled by what happened. But as long as it is no principal mistake and you had no intention to really hurt their feelings or try to cover it up for your own sake, than real friends should show the grace of forgiveness and understand that they too can make the same mistakes when meeting similar circumstances.
So to me, there is nothing to forgive. You are my friend and real friends understand and forgive each other for as long as they remain friends.
Remember... in order to see the rainbow, one must be willing to endure the rain.
So hang in there buddy. Your rain also will come to pass.
Your friend as always,
- Max DeJong (author of THEN - The Inner Dialogues)